First of all, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
-Over-enthusiastic zoom in cuz why not -
My fan mail wall, isn't it beautiful? Okay, let's keep talking.
-Painting falls off the wall- oops i slipped
So as you can probably tell, I have a wedding to go to today, it's one of my dad's students weddings one of his
Ph.D. students are tying the knot and we were gracefully invited. It's a traditional Indian wedding. I've never gone to one so, I'm excited!
It's gonna be a new experience. Now obviously I would wear this dress,
but there's a little bit of a rule when you go to weddings
You're not allowed to wear white because you're not supposed to look better than the bride and that's kind of an issue for me because
I look better than everyone. -Gags- So instead I opted for this little pink satin number from Aritzia.
I mean, Aritzia coming in and hot for the millionth time here and then on my feet I am donning my sparkly prom shoes! :D
I want to wear these again. I don't care if it matches,
So shut up.
The wedding starts at 4 p.m
It's just past 11 right now, and we have a lot of things to do.
Not really, but I know procrastination will set in at one point. So we just better get a head start right now
Hello my dudes.
So usually I don't do anything in the way of skin care when I'm getting ready to go somewhere,
But here's a thing, somebody sent to my PO box this avocado face mask.
There is no question that I have to do this. It would be offensive not to. I've never done a face mask if my face
explodes no video ever so..
Have fun with that.
Oh my god it's in my mouth.. My eczema is definitely gonna throw a temper tantrum in like 20 minutes.
I feel like I look ridiculous (you look great btw)
I can't really see myself right now because I'm not wearing my glasses
So I'm gonna take a bit of a break let this dry
Let my skin
Absorb all the avocado
Magic and then I'll see you guys in a bit. The skin of a mule, the fur of a sheep, the scent of a skunk
"What do these things have in common?" you may be wondering. Nothing. I just wanted to sound cool
So I was just waiting for the face mask to work
It's magic and burn my skin off when I realized how r a v e n o u s I was so I decided to make what I like to call,
'Bootleg mac and cheese' because I'm pretty sure that if Gordon Ramsay saw what the heck I was making he would have a full-fledged heart attack
To start, you fill a pot with water and boil it. Then we get to the noodles
I like to use mong noodles, which are pretty much normal noodles without the carbs and tons of protein
be careful with this stuff though because it's a fat mess to handle. The noodles are as fragile as China and they break if you
Fart in their direction. Usually 50 grams of this stuff is more than enough for one person
So take that and put it into the pot. Do I wait for the water to boil? Obviously not,
who did you think I was? Now things are about to get really intense. Take one singular ovary,
I mean egg, and shredded cheese of your choice
You're gonna need about 25 grams of this. Be careful because it's very tempting to eat it.
Cheese truly is a godsend if you-
OH MY GOD, THE NOODLES ARE ALIVE.
This happens every time Joana!
When your noodles look like little green worms
It's time to strain it and then back onto the stove it goes. We're gonna have to work fast here
so pay attention dudes. Crack that egg into your noodles,
I'm sorry for the disgusting visuals,
and stir it quickly or else the egg will get stuck to the bottom. Then slap on that cheese and keep mixing it
Until it melts. When the bottom of the pot is mostly clean, your abomination is ready.
You can add some salt if you want transfer it to a bowl, and it's ready to devour
I have to admit it looks like a mess but this is the best mess you will ever eat
It's scrumptious and tastes like regular pasta
I mean every time I eat this I scrape the bowl so clean I barely have to wash it afterwards.
Now we're gonna do the nails now here's the thing, okay? A couple days ago,
I fell down a bit of a rabbit hole on YouTube and I found
this trend where people would like rub these powders
On their nail and it would just be a metallic like a mirror. To me it seemed
unnecessary, extremely extra, and exactly what I need to do. I bought the whole getup. The powder like this stuff is expensive
It's like five dollars for this little thing who- who's
scamming you people?? I've set up another camera here, there are my beautiful digits. I'm sorry if my fingers make you uncomfortable
They make me uncomfortable so...join the party.
So I'm gonna start with this gel- AH. You see, I'm a professional on this channel
I use two camera angles were reaching new levels of sophistication here.
Okay know I need to shine this light on it and I'm kind of terrified that I'm gonna get skin cancer.
Okay. -Turns on contraption-
My fingers are burning. Now we're gonna go in with this white gel polish. Looks like this, smells..
*i n h a l e s*
So here's a thing, do I need a second coat? Definitely, but I don't have the patience for that,
we're just gonna go with the top coat.
All of the nail people are shook,
all of the makeup people, they're also shook.
I'm a boobie guru now so fight me. It's time to get messy. Let me zoom you guys in for the mess
that is about to ensue.
That didn't work.
Why isn't this working?
So let me explain what just happened,
as you can see, I got it to work
I was using this little silicon tool cuz I wanted to be all professional. It didn't work.
So then I started using my finger and I got this beautiful result. Hi. Hey there.
Anyways, I'm gonna do the other hand now and then I'll see you guys when I'm getting my hair done.
(With blow dryer in the backround)
Hello my dudes!
So I have a couple updates to give you,
I did my other hand and I kind of messed up a bit because there are some bald spots.
But it's looking pretty good overall. My mom is now doing my hair. After this,
I'm just gonna put my dress on, I'm gonna strut my stuff
out to the car and we're gonna drive all the way to that darn wedding. Tonight it's gonna be fun,
I'm gonna eat a lot of food. I was ready, as ready as I'll ever be, but not gonna lie,
the dress was kind of tough to manage.
I kept on flashing everyone and their third cousin so caution would definitely have to be taken that night.
My movements would have to be extremely
calculated. Give me a second, I have to do some trigonometry. Either way
I was looking like a pink satin cupcake with sparkly shoes to match
of course. My mother, her adorable navy blue number, was exquisite.
She spent days sewing that thing so that it fit her body perfectly and my dad
he looked like a businessman. Did my mom point out that his suit was too big for him?
Yes, but it's part of the look. Right dad?
And then I blacked out and suddenly we were in the car, speeding off to the venue. Things were whizzing and happening all around me.
But I only realized two things. One,
my dress was way too small for my massive guns. They are being strangled, they were screaming for air!
The other thing was that this dress was extremely low-cut. The risk of my
non-existent boobies popping out was immense so a miniscule safety pin held it together, but don't tell anyone. Before we knew it though,
we had arrived and we, we were more than excited.
Joana's father: Hello, Ladies and gentlemen. We are ready for an Indian wedding.
Joana: Do you have anything to say?
Joana's mom: No, I don't have anything to say.
Anyways, we waltzed into the venue and I immediately went to the washroom because I desperately had to pee. The waterfall was struggling to be
contained, if you know what I mean.
But with that out of the way, my parents and I loitered in the lobby as we waited for the ceremony to begin. We took in
our surroundings, there was a lot going on, but in the best way possible. The waterfall was lovely the cherry blossom tree was breathtaking.
The apetizers had already been laid out
But you weren't allowed to touch them or else the Dementors were gonna suck your soul straight out of your bellybutton.
Everything was fit for a wedding, and a lovely one at that- oh, hey, look, it's the groom.
Everything stopped. The stars, the planets, the cars, my breathing.
We were all congregated around as they carried out their rituals. Then we all paraded into the main room.
The ceremony was under way! First, food. Let me tell you, they really did the most here.
There was a large variety of dishes
it was honestly mesmerizing. There were spring rolls, vegetarian cutlets, vegetarian samosas, and whatever the heck this is.
Obviously, I took multiple of each. I was here to try everything that complicated thing I can't pronounce turns out
It was deep-fried cottage cheese. I mean hello, I will take 10, please! You can't go wrong with that
So obviously it tasted heavenly. The vegetable cutlet at first they were flavorful, but then flavorful turned into burning levels of spicy.
I drowned my pharynx in water, but still kept eating because it was just too good to pass up. Next, the samosa.
It was good. Again, deep fried anything is harder to get wrong than it is to get right.
My dad even went back for seconds. I'm not want to talk though because I ate more than my fair share,
that's for sure. Suddenly the lights dimmed something was happening...we observed as the groom sat on the stage. Everyone was silent
Something was brewing, the doors closed. We were locked in, there was no going back now. The minister
was chanting something. Knots were being tied, the doors, they opened and it was just my dad coming back for thirds.
Good job rolando, thanks for being a real party pooper!
I guess those veggie cutlets were really screaming his name all the way from the lobby weren't they?
Once all this gymnastics is over and done with the bride finally walked in. She was dripping in gold and she looked amazing!
Her and her Posse slowly made their way to where the groom was seated. Am I being overly descriptive here?
I think I'm getting a headache from my own verbose rhetoric. I need an aspirin.
It's at this point that I would like to direct your attention to the ceiling nipple lights.
They really were eye catchy. They sparkled and glittered like the night sky. Really lighting up- Oh my god
there's a fire on the stage! Someone called the fire department! Actually, that was a false alarm
They didn't set the whole building on fire, so I think we're good.
And with that, the wedding ceremony was over. Upbeat Bollywood music started playing and immediately
sweeping everyone into a happier mood. People were dancing and singing, we were having a blast. My dad
especially. he was really getting into the groove of things. I mean, I have to get my graceful dancing from someone, right?
Oh, what's that? It's the sound of dinner being served of course. Again,
They really knocked it out of the park with a variety here. There are foods of every color smell shape dimension
You name it, they had it. Again, I took a little bit of everything
I was ready to eat myself silly and let me tell you the food was amazing.
It was great and so much more flavorful than the acorn squash I usually eat and I was forcing it down
*s i g h*
This was when things fell completely apart.
*b o o m*
(did you see the bird tho?)
I had an allergic reaction.
Ok so listen here my dudes... this was entirely my fault.
I got tough and thought I didn't need to ask the waitresses which foods had nuts Indian food is known to have peanuts
So I was the one looking like a fool with my lips puffed up and my eyes swelled shut now was it worth it though?
H o n e s t l y ,
Y E S.
the food was that good. The stomachache? not so much, but the flavor a 1!
Obviously I was no condition to stay at the venue. So we quickly said goodbye to the newlyweds and home
We went where I basked in my pseudo lip injections. And that was it my dudes. That was a whole thing
I hope you enjoyed today's video and I hope it tickled your pickle. Ewww... Stay funky
Stay spunky and stay spicy and I'll see you in the next one, toodles!
Hello my dudes what’s up how’s everybody doing? I have a couple things to say. 1. This is my 69th video so everybody give themselves 69 pats on the back. I wanted to thank you guys for getting me here. To my camera: you’re a real one. To imovie: this is all your fault. So claps all around guys! 2. I wanted to thank you guys for the generally positive reaction on my last video. It’s great that I can be honest and you guys will still listen. Also, to stan twitter: thanks for getting butthurt over my comments and proving my point. 3. I have to make a note about my PO box. I will be closing it in two weeks because I will be travelling a lot in August (more on that later) and then I’m off to University so I won’t be able to respond to those who send me stuff. So, if you want to send me something, now’s your chance! If you did send me something over the past few months, I just wrote 100 letters to 100 random people who provided a return address so check your mailbox!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ewww_its_joana/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/tweet_joana Cameo: https://www.cameo.com/ewww_its_joana P.O Box (CLOSING IN 2 WEEKS): Joana Ceddia P.O. Box 35532 York Mills Plaza North York, ON M2L2Y4 CANADA
If you want to translate the video: http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?tab=2&c=UCkin59aR57-RgqvN04jHSIg